


Separated

by AbithaGray



Category: Uncharted (Video Games)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Implied Rafe/Sam, M/M, Rimming, Romance, Sibling Incest, drakecest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-09-28 05:42:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10074797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbithaGray/pseuds/AbithaGray
Summary: AU where Sam and Nate are lovers and don’t know they're brothers.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sam is twenty-six, Nate is twenty-two. They’ve been together for two years.

It was Sam and Nate’s second Christmas together.  It was also the day they decided they would break their relationship to at least one of their parents — Nathan’s mother — of which she wasn’t acutely aware of his…preference.  Nate was confident his mother would be fine with it, though initially shocked.  Sam, however, wasn’t so sure about his own father.  He was a man’s man, but he loved Sam and gave him the world growing up so he figured he would come around eventually, especially if another parent was already okay with it.  They were planning on telling him at a New Years get together they were hosting in a couple weeks at Nate’s place.

 

While Sam was busy sweating in the kitchen working on the clean-up half of a lavish dinner for three, Nate was running around the apartment trying to make sure everything was clean and ready for their guest to arrive.  Much to Sam’s irritation—he had spent the last couple of days cleaning his place just for this occasion, so really Nate could be helping with the food.

"Nate," Sam called from the kitchen.  He raised his arm across his brow to wipe some sweat out of his eyes, trying to avoid dirtying his…well, there wasn’t anything much else clean on him at the moment.  "Nate, c’mere."

 

Nate stopped fussing with the Christmas tree and walked into the kitchen, stepping behind Sam and wrapping his arms around his waist.  He pressed a kiss on the back of his neck, tasting salt and humming.  "Hmm?"

 

"Are you done messing around with the rest of the house?"

 

Nate huffed and nuzzled in between Sam’s shoulder blades, inhaling his captivating scent deeply and sighed, appreciative.  "I wasn’t messing around," he pouted.  Sam grinned and nodded, raising his eyebrows.

 

"Oh, sure you weren’t.  I think you just don’t want to cook anything, or do the dishes."  Sam said, turning around in Nate’s arms, placing his own on top of the smaller man’s shoulders and lacing his fingers in Nate’s short, cropped hair.  Nate’s eyes crinkled when he looked up into Sam’s gaze, warming from the love he found in those soft, brown eyes.  

 

"You’re much better at kitchen stuff then I am."  Nate said lowly, leaning upwards for a kiss that Sam met him halfway for.  Their lips melded and moved together perfectly and Nate opened his mouth first for Sam who let out an appreciate sound as he licked his bottom lip, working his way inside.

 

Nate opened wider and pressed his hips into Sam, earning a groan from the taller of the two.  "Hmm, do we have time for this?"  Nate mumbled absently against Sam’s mouth, who was now moving and trailing kisses towards his throat.

 

"Sure we do…"  Sam said, not even bothering to glance at his watch.  Nate laughed breathlessly as he found a spot on his shoulder and started to make a mark.  He raised his own wrist to check the time—his mother should be there in about an hour.  He smiled lopsidedly, curling the right corner of his lip upwards—plenty of time.

 

"You got anything cooking right now?"

 

Sam detached from Nate’s shoulder and mumbled, "Not yet." He smirked against Nate’s skin, satisfied with the small, pink splotch.  "But I do need to get this into somewhere warm, soon…"

 

Nate swatted him.  "No, I mean, can we go to your room without fear of burning the building down?"

 

Sam stopped for a moment and looked up, then around the kitchen.  He wasn’t really cooking as much as cleaning and doing an ungodly amount of dishes.  "Yeah, we’re good."  He pushed Nate off him gently and took his hand, sucking the very tips of each finger, "Mm, come on…"

 

He lead Nate into his bedroom and, out of habit, shut the door before turning around and watched as his lover started to strip.  Sam licked his lips and unbuttoned his own pants, watching a now naked Nate crawl on the bed, not once breaking eye contact and leaning back on his elbows, eyes hooded and lustful.

 

Sam quirked a brow and smiled, shimmying out of his jeans. He walked towards Nate and kneeled on the bed, slowly moving up his body and brought their lips together again and again in small, gentle _smacks_.

 

Nate let his head fall back as Sam pushed their half-hard cocks together, both moaning quietly.  Sam found the mark he made earlier, now a pretty purple, and decided to give it a sibling on Nate’s other shoulder.  A whine escaped Nate’s throat as Sam sucked and started nipping with his teeth.  "Oh, god…"

 

After about a minute of abusing skin and steadily grinding their growing erections together Sam let go and licked over the spot, pressing a trail of kisses up Nate’s throat and back to his lips.  "Yeah?"

 

Nate bit his lower lip and nodded in affirmation, his eyes fluttering closed at Sam’s wet, warm kisses.  "Mm, mm hmm…"

 

Sam smiled against Nate’s mouth and glided his fingers down the side of his torso, relishing in the tiny muscle spasms he felt under his touch.  With deft fingers Sam grasped both of them and started to pump lazily.  He noticed Nate’s elbows steadily widening and lowering their bodies closer to the bed and decided to press just a little more until Nate’s back was flush against the blanket.

 

Someone growled, it was hard to tell whom at this point as Sam began to speed up, each feeling pressure in their lower bellies that signaled the start of the climb towards release.

 

Nate bucked up into Sam’s quickening fist when he suddenly stopped and kissed Nate’s cheek, earning a simultaneous whine and death-stare.  Sam laughed at his expression and said, "Turn over for me, sweetheart."  Nate’s temperature spiked at the thought of what was going to happen next and obliged as Sam pushed himself up, allowing Nate to roll over and push onto his hands and knees, presenting himself.

 

Sam placed a kiss on each cheek before standing up on his own knees and leaned backwards towards his nightstand to grab his tube of lube and, on second thought, a condom.  He didn’t want Nate to deal with any possible mess with Nate’s mother coming over this evening.

 

He placed a dry finger at Nate’s entrance and waited for his hole to relax before pressing in slightly.  Sam pulled his lower lip over the bottom row of his teeth as he watched Nate’s sweet pink pucker slowly open and accept his digit.  He pulled back and poured some slick on his index and middle finger, once again placing a fingertip at Nate’s hole and gently pushing in.

 

Nate let out a sigh and reached between his own legs for his warm and heavy cock, now seeping pre-cum.  Using his thumb he rubbed his slit and spread the slick on his length and started to jerk himself off as Sam prepped him.  He let out another longer sigh as he felt a second finger wiggle it’s way inside.

 

Sam began to scissor Nate and was transfixed by the sight, his own cock aching to experience what his lucky fingers were.  After he felt Nate was good and ready he pulled out and Nate let out a noise of complaint, pushing back into air while Sam rolled the condom on, his face painted with amusement from watching Nate trying to hump something, anything, from behind.

 

Once the rubber was on and snug, Sam poured some lubricant on his dick and gave a few strokes, covering himself fully in the substance and placed the tip at Nate’s entrance, waiting for him to relax.

 

"Ready?"  Sam asked.  Nate nodded and started to consciously let go as he felt Sam’s thick head breach his entrance, savoring the feeling of initial penetration that he just could not get enough of every single time it happened.

 

Sam looked down, transfixed at the delicious sight of Nathan’s body sucking up every inch of his cock and he moaned.  "Fuck, yes…God, look at you."  he exhaled. Nate was so fucking beautiful like this—ready and open and willing.

 

Nate felt his face warm up at the compliment and he nuzzled his forearms as he settled into the bed and braced himself for Sam’s escalation in thrusts.

 

As he sped up and found a rhythm he popped Nate’s left asscheek, earning a yelp.  That sound was too good to be heard just once, so Sam did it again and wasn’t disappointed.  "God you make the most incredible noises, Nate…"

 

Sam nudged Nate’s knees further apart to try and bury himself deeper when Nate let out a cry and he knew he hit the spot.  He smiled and pushed in again, nailing it as Nate let out another wail, this one longer and drawn out.

 

He continued to smack into Nate’s prostate and Nate continued to jerk himself off, both rapidly reaching their peak.  Sam tried to stave himself off until Nate reached his own—it was only polite.  Difficult, yes, but he would do anything for him.

 

Nate continued to tug on his dick and, with a loud grown, came hard—hot seed leaking from his fist and over his knuckles, dripping onto the comforter.

 

Sam whined and gasped at Nate’s channel clamping down around him and it was just what he needed to push him over the edge, filling the latex condom with hot, fresh come.

 

They both panted and started slumping, gathering their breath and wits before Sam held his sheathed dick between his index and thumb and pulled out, careful to keep everything contained.  He slid the condom off and tied it, setting the used rubber to the right before crumpling to his side, pulling Nate close.

 

"I love you…" Nate said quietly, turning to look up at Sam whose eyes were closed.  He grinned and opened his eyes, shifting his focus to Nate, tilting his chin up and capturing him in a deep, unhurried kiss.

 

"I love you, too."

 

Right before falling asleep Nate jerked awake and looked at his timepiece.  "Shit, Sam, get up!  She’ll be here soon!"

 

Sam snorted awake and sat up, rubbing his eyes.  "Shit."

 

The two men both got up and took a quick shower, dressing up nicely before running back downstairs to neaten up the rest of the kitchen and set the table.

 

It was just as the last knife was being placed when there was a knock at the door and they looked at each other.  Each man had butterflies threatening to make an appearance, but were luckily being kept at bay by sheer force of will.  Sam nodded at Nate to open the door and swallowed as he walked towards the front of the living room and placed a hand on the doorknob.  He took a deep breath and pulled the door open to a beautiful, smiling woman. 

 

"Mom!"  Nate said, arms opened wide and she walked right into his embrace.

 

"Nathan, dear."  She said, squeezing her son tightly and pulling back, looking up into his face, her eyes crinkling with delight.  "I’m so glad I found the place!  I haven’t been to this part of town in such a long time."  Nathan lead her inside and helped her out of her coat and hung up her bag.  "Now, where is this big surprise?"

 

Nate swallowed and looked ahead in the kitchen doorway where his lover was leaning, biting the tip of his thumb.  Nate smiled at him, "This is Cassandra, my mother.  Mom, I’d like you to meet someone very special to me…"  he motioned towards him to come over and Sam tentatively walked over, eyes downcast until he was short just a few steps of Cassandra.

 

He held out his hand as she looked up at him and her smile faltered.  Both men noticed the immediate change in her demeanor and froze.  Her bottom lip trembled and she took a step closer, reaching for Sam’s face and gently turning him left, then right, then left again.

 

She stuttered at first, taking a breath before saying, "Samuel."

 

Sam blinked and the butterflies in his stomach were churning harder, faster.  He shook his head and tried to take a step back, but Cassandra had a tight hold on him, her hands moving lower and gripping at his shirt.  

 

"Samuel," she said again, nodding, this time certain.

 

Nate looked between the two in wonder, "Do…do you two know each other?"  He was very confused.

 

"I…" Sam’s voice wavered, cracking, and his and Cassandra’s brown eyes began to well up with tears.  "No…He, he said that you…"

 

"Samuel!"  Cassandra screamed and lunged at him, pulling him close in a vice grip.  "Baby!  My baby!"

 

It took Sam a moment to register the past sixty seconds and he immediately wrapped his arms around his mother.

 

"Nathan!"  she yelled, reaching for him blindly and he caught her hand, "You found him!  You found him."  Cassandra began sobbing, her tiny body trembling with each gulp of air.

 

Nate wanted nothing more than to see Sam’s face, to ask him what the fuck was going on here.  He and Sam were both held too tightly by Cassandra and, when she finally did let go, they each take an arm, lest she fall to the floor in a heap.  They carried her to the couch and set her down—Sam kneeling in front of her on the ground and Nate sitting at her side.

 

"Mom, I—"

 

"Nathan,"  Cassandra interrupted and pulled him in, squeezing tightly.  "My boys…"

 

Nate tried catching Sam’s gaze, but he was too busy looking up at Cassandra, his own eyes welling up with tears.

 

"My boys…together…"  she kissed Nate’s temple and leaned down to kiss the top of Sam’s head.  "My babies, this is the greatest surprise I’ve ever had…"  and nuzzled into his thick, wavy hair, taking a deep breath and letting out a shuddering sigh.

 

Sam took her hand and kissed her knuckles, the sickening nausea ebbing away, replaced by wonder and awe.

 

Nate swallowed and decided to try to continue from before his mother’s meltdown.  "Mom, this is Sam."

 

She looked up at Nate and smiled widely.  "Oh I know.  God, do I know."  Her laugh was full of mirth, joyful.  He had never seen her so happy in his entire life.  "Tell me, how did you find him?  Or," she turned to Sam, "how did you find your brother?  How long have you been planning this?"

 

Nate’s brow furrowed, looking down at Sam who seemed to be in a daze, but quickly snapped out of it.  "Oh, uh, not long.  Not long at all."  He smiled, thumbing each of her knuckles, staring lovingly up at his mother.  Nate shifted uncomfortably and stood up.  

 

"Here," he reached for Sam to pull him up on the couch so Sam and Cassandra could sit next to each other.  He stood back watching them, crossing his arms.  

 

"Nathan, darling, my wallet, please." Cassandra said, reaching for him.  He obeyed and brought back her bag and she rifled through it, pulling out her cell phone and pocketbook.  She began to talk animatedly and show Sam the pictures she kept, then some of the same ones plus more in her phone.  They were his baby pictures, family pictures of him that, as he correctly guessed, included whom he knew was his father.

 

Sam passed the photos down to Nathan—he had never seen these photographs before.  Ever.  He looked up at his mother with…betrayal?  No…he couldn’t feel this way about his own mother, could he…?  But why didn’t she say anything?

 

Nate shook his head.  Of course, she must have had her reasons.  Why else wouldn’t she tell him he had a long-lost brother out there somewhere?

 

 _Brother_ …

 

Oh.  Fuck.

 

 


	2. Two

 

The newly reunited family had a lovely evening, Cassandra finally leaving around midnight and everyone promising to see each other soon.  But all good things must come to an end…the mood, and temperature, dropped drastically as soon as their mother left.  After Sam shut the door he stayed there for a moment, staring at the doorknob to collect himself before turning around and walking into the kitchen past Nate, whose hands were shoved into his pockets and looking at the floor.

 

Sam started washing the dishes, Nate slowly shuttling the dirty ones in from the dining room and avoiding all possible chance of eye contact.

 

Both men wanted the other to say something, _anything_.  But what could possibly be said?  

 

"You know, I’ve always wanted a baby brother."

 

Well, _almost_ anything.

 

Nate’s jaw went slack and he turned towards Sam.  "Are you fucking serious right now?"  Sam shrugged and smiled as he dried his hands off on a kitchen towel.  "Why the fuck would you say something like that?"

 

Sam took a step towards Nate who, in turn, took a step back, and they both froze.  They finally met each other’s eyes and Sam’s heart fell at what he found there —  disgust.  He swallowed and held his hand out.  "C’mere, Nate…"  His throat was tight, his voice coming out quiet and strained.  Nate stood there, eyes flicking between his brother’s gaze and his hand.

 

"I…"  Nate shook his head, imperceptible at first, until it was quite clear he meant no.

 

"Nate, sweetheart, pl—"

 

"No, _don’t_!"  Sam flinched at Nate’s volume.  He hadn’t planned for it to come out so loud, he couldn’t help it —  didn’t mean it.  "Just…don’t."  He backed away and turned around to walk to the living room.  Sam brought his hand up to his throat and rubbed soothingly, feeling his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed down bile.  He took a breath and decided to follow Nate.

 

His stomach fell as he watched Nate begin to pack up his things.  "Nate, I…I think you should stay."  Nate paused for just a moment before going back to tying his shoes.  "Nate?"  Still nothing.  Sam walked forwards and sat beside him on the couch and Nate leaned forward quickly and stood up to grab his coat.  " _Nate, please_."  He tried to keep the desperation out of his voice, but it was of no use. 

 

"I don’t want to do this right now Sam.  I’ll…I’ll talk to you later."  He slipped his arms through the sleeves and made his way to the door, opening and closing it briskly to leave Sam sitting alone on Christmas night.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Nate felt miserable, and his mood plummeted each time his phone vibrated in his back pocket.  He finally pulled it out and turned the device off, not feeling up to dealing with anyone right now, much less his boy — no — brother.  Samuel Morgan was his _brother_.  Luckily no one was around outside to see Nate run into an alley and empty his stomach of the lavish dinner he and Sam had worked so hard on to make earlier that day.

 

He spit and wiped his mouth on his sleeve, hoping a gas station somewhere on the way home was open so he could grab a bottle of water.

 

Unfortunately every shop he passed was closed.  But he was almost home anyways so he kept going and trying to distract himself from any other thoughts that would make him nauseous.

 

Luckily his place was just a few blocks down from Sam’s.  Or, unluckily, as Nate was now thinking.  Nowhere on planet Earth was far enough away from Sam at the moment.  When Nate was finally inside he kicked off his shoes by the door and dropped his coat on the floor, heading for the bathroom and brushed his teeth to rinse out the rest of the sick.  

 

After the unholy taste in his mouth was gone, he stripped and climbed into bed with his phone, staring at a blank screen before deciding to just plug it in and charge it while it was off.  He didn’t want to know what Sam wanted right now, didn’t want to deal with it.  He just wanted to go to sleep and wake up from this fucking nightmare.

 

But he just laid there in the dark, staring at nothing and thinking of everything.  Just that morning he was happily in love with the man of his dreams.  Sam was kind, handsome, patient.  He was loving and he made it clear he would do anything for Nate, that nothing in this _whole fucking world_ was too good for him.  But they couldn’t be lovers anymore.

 

How could they?  That’s not a thing siblings are.  No, lovers are lovers and siblings are siblings — there is no mixing the two.  It’s revolting, obscene.  He had been having sex, _making fucking love_ , with his goddamn brother for the past two years of his life.  How do you move on from that?

 

_Move on_.

 

The thought was equally repulsive and threatened to make Nate start heaving again.  Moving on was…well, it was his only option.  There wasn’t anything else.  He was going to leave his lover in the past, where he belonged.  To leave behind everything they had worked to build up…but they could always build new things.  After all, he didn’t want Sam gone from his life completely.  Or did he?  It would be easier but — their mother would never let it happen.

 

She had both of her boys back in her life at the exact same time.  There would be no going around it.  She would want to do holidays together and probably countless more excuses to spend time with family.  Nate would have to see Sam much more often, and while the thought would have made his heart flutter earlier today, it now made him ill.

 

So leaving Sam behind completely wasn’t an option.  Sure, he would have to see him when Cassandra set up time for all of them to be together but, other than that…well.  Nate made the decision right then it would be easier for everyone if they saw each other as minimally as possible.  They would be cordial in front of mom and then at the end of the day they would say goodnight and walk away.

 

Nate’s thoughts became more and more incoherent as a restless sleep finally took over, all the while still hoping he would wake up from this bad dream to kisses and snuggles in Sam’s strong arms.

 

* * *

 

 

Sam left a final voicemail and text message before giving up and putting his phone on the end table.  He told himself to relax, that Nate just needed some time alone right now.  They both did.  Yeah, they could talk about things tomorrow — no big deal.  But…

 

He picked up his phone again and jacked up the volume, making sure the ringer was on and all text notifications from Nate were set to high.  Sam sighed and stood up, hesitating.  he wasn’t sure if he wanted a nice, stiff drink from the kitchen or if he wanted to shove himself under the covers to create a blanket cocoon.

 

Sam decided on just one shot, and then he would go try and get some sleep.  It had been a long and, as of the last few hours, disappointing day.  He drained the shot and left the glass on the table to head to his bedroom, placing his phone on the charger before trying to call just one last time.  He sighed when it went straight to voicemail and stripped down to his boxer shorts.

 

He climbed into bed and nestled up under the blankets and pulled the pillow Nate had used last night close, inhaling his scent.  When he did that, he realized two things — the first being that he missed Nate so much he could cry.  The second being something surprising that even shocked himself — he didn’t care Nate was his brother.

 

Sam froze as he let the thought wash over him like a wave.  He smelled the pillow again and his stomach flipped — he still loved Nate.  He loved him.  He loved him like a lover.  Sure, Sam would learn to love him as a brother eventually, that would be easy.  But Sam still loved, and needed, Nate as a lover.  

 

Eventually he wanted to marry Nate, and that thought made him sad…they couldn’t exactly marry legally, could they?  Sam thought about this and decided to do some research in the morning.  As long as the court didn’t require a DNA test they should be fine.  And if they did, well, they could wear rings symbolically, right?

 

But what about Mom…well, of course she wouldn’t have to know.  Hell, it would probably be for the best that she wasn’t aware.  Besides, it was a sibling thing to keep secrets from their parents.  Sure, most siblings secrets weren’t this scandalous, but still.  He could keep a secret, and he was confident that Nate could, too.

 

Sam was confident Nate would get back to him tomorrow morning and they would meet up and talk about it.  He would let Nate know that he still loved him, needed him.  Sam nuzzled into the pillow again and sniffed deeply, smiling as he played out how the next day’s events would turn out.  Everything would be just fine, no big deal.  They would work through it just like any other issue they’ve had, of which there were fortunately not very many.

 

As a couple, Sam and Nate got on remarkably well.  Disagreements were few and far between.  The sex was amazing.  Jesus dear God was the sex amazing…Sam had never been with someone so in tune with him before, and Nate told him so.

 

Sam eventually fell asleep to lovely thoughts about his sweetheart, his pillow pulled close to his chest as he imagined Nate here with him now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you do not leave a kudo, please leave a comment as to how I can improve. Thank you.


	3. Three

 

_I moan when I feel Sam pour warm oil on my back.  I was skeptical at first but he assured me this hot oil was made especially for what we wanted to do._

 

_I hear Sam chuckle and I sigh when he places his hands on me and he slowly presses into my back.  His palms glide effortlessly up to my shoulders and he squeezes, dragging his fingers back down to my hips.  I can feel his heavy cock lying in the cleft of my ass and when Sam moves back I can already feel his cooling pre-cum on my lower back._

 

_For a moment I want to forget the whole thing and turn around to take him into my mouth and start sucking, to feel the saltiness leaking out of his tip on my tongue and kiss up and down his length and get back to practicing swallowing around him, but then he starts kneading up my spine and all coherent thoughts are gone._

 

_"Mmm, you like that, little brother?"_

 

_"Mm, mm hmm…"_

 

_Well that was a weird nickname he hadn’t used before.  I turn my head to say so but right as I do it he moves back and spreads my cheeks apart and I forget what I was doing, instead biting my lip while Sam is pulling and pushing my ass apart and, I’m sure, is reveling in the sight._

 

_"Fuck yeah, look at you,"  he’s breathless and it drives me insane._

 

_I push my hips back and I can hear him sigh.  All thoughts of a back massage are now gone and he lifts my hips up so I adjust my knees, knowing exactly where this is going and wanting to get there as soon as possible._

 

_His hot breath ghosts over me and it’s so fucking delicious I’m shivering already.  Sam is adjusting on the bed and I feel his thumbs near my entrance, pressing flesh away from my hole and immediately his warm, wet lips are on me in open kisses._

 

_"Ahh, fuck…!"_

 

_"Ssh."_

 

_I laugh and nuzzle into Sam’s pillow, trying to drink his scent in and wishing he could take me both ways at once.  God that would be so fucking good — Sam’s dick in my mouth and my ass at the same time, I want him everywhere at once and I’m so fucking giddy at the fantasy that it takes me a minute to realize he shushed me…and that makes me want to misbehave._

 

_"Ahh, fuck yes, Sam…!"_

 

_"Nathan…" he’s quiet and sounds like he’s warning me and, fuck it, I’m feeling naughty so I moan even louder._

 

_"God fuck yes Sam, please more, please!"_

 

_"Nathan!"  his voice is low and harsh and I’m too drunk on him to realize where we even are until the door flings open and —_

 

_"Mom!"  I panic and kick Sam out from behind me and pull my blankets over myself and my heart is in my throat when I finally register that we’re in my bedroom…when I was thirteen._

 

_My mother’s face falls momentarily as she is taking in the scene before her — and then she’s furious.  "What the hell are you two boys doing!?"_

 

_"Mom!"  This one is from Sam and he’s panicking too.  Everyone is staring and panicking and breathing hard and my mother begins to cry and that stings…_

 

_"My sons…my sons!  What the fuck is wrong with you!"  And it’s painful — I’ve never heard her use that language before and it hurts and my heart is winning the race with my stomach to make an appearance and everything is spinning and the room is black —_

 

Nate sits bolt upright covered in a cold sweat, panting and feeling sick again.  He kicks the blankets off and makes a beeline for the bathroom where he slides in on his knees before the toilet and dry heaves.

 

After several attempts of trying to rid his torso of any and all organs, the gagging has stopped and he's calmed down enough to register what the fuck just happened.

 

He smirks bitterly — waking from one nightmare to another.  "Ugh…"  Nate rubs his temples and crawls over to the shower and reaches blindly for the cold tap and just pulls himself over the rim of the bathtub.  His brief blood curdling screech reverberates in the small space when the liquid ice sprays down on him and he decides to just stay and take it.  

 

The events from last night, and the dream, are too fresh in his mind right now and he needs to shock himself back into the present.  Too bad it has to be so fucking cold.

 

After Nate finished what was barely passable as a shower he went in to grab his phone and walked into the kitchen to try and at least get some dry toast down his gullet.  He didn’t feel hungry but he figured it would help to at least have some form of nourishment in his body.

 

Nate stared at the sad looking toast on his plate and turned his phone on.  He almost looked to where Sam would sit to ask him to stop that incessant tapping, but he realized it was him clicking his own nails over and over on the table in an impatient rhythm.  And if Nate wasn’t miserable now, he definitely was after reading Sam’s text messages from the previous evening.

 

_Nate?_

 

_Nate please answer me.  It’s been a weird evening but I’d really like it if you were here.  I think we should talk about this._

 

_Nathan, babe…This is hard on me too, you know.  Can you answer your phone?_

 

_Goddamnit Nathan I’m just as freaked out as you are and this isn’t helping!  I’m feeling just as shitty as you probably are!_

 

_Nate please, at least tell me you made it home safe…_

 

The voicemails were no better and were, in fact, much worse to deal with.  Nate could hear the pain Sam was in and it made him cringe.  His normally calm voice was varying from stern to desperate and by the last phone call he could hear him losing control of his tears.

 

Nate pushed his sad toast back and folded his arms on the table, resting his head against his forearms and lost control himself.

 

* * *

 

 

Sam woke up from a dreamless and restless sleep.  He contemplated getting up but decided against it, willing his bladder to shut the hell up and deal with it because he wasn’t planning on going anywhere anytime soon.

 

It seemed his blanket cocoon didn’t hold last night and most of the blankets and sheets had been kicked to the floor.  But now that he was awake he was getting cold and curling up into himself wasn’t doing any good, just placing more pressure on his bladder and NO he wasn’t going to get up right now.

 

So there he lay — cold, consciously trying not to piss himself, and dejected.  Hell, _re_ jected.  By his own lover…his own flesh and blood.

 

Sam flopped around on the blanket-less, sheet-less and Nate-less bed for what he felt was not nearly long before, ugh, eventually giving in to nature and rolled out of bed to stand up, but not quite straight.  The walk was long and uncomfortable and he finally made it to the bathroom before slumping down on the toilet.

 

He groaned as he released, sighing, placing his elbows on his knees and letting go — allowing relief to wash over him.  God knows it was probably going to be the nicest thing he felt all day…

 

When Sam felt he was, finally, finished, he got into the shower to wash last night off and at least try to start the day off with some sense of purpose.  The hot water felt nice and he planned what he was going to say to Nate when he finally got back to him.

 

"Fuck!"  Sam realized he hadn’t checked his phone yet and what if Nate finally _did_ get back to him and needed him!?

 

The pleasure of the hot water was gone as he hastily grabbed a towel and nearly slipped on his way out the door and back into the bedroom to grab his phone.  He pressed the home button to see…nothing.

 

Well, not exactly nothing.  The wallpaper he set was still there, of course — a wet Nate after their first vacation to a private beach.  Nate was dripping sea water and sweat and was smiling at the camera.  Sam smiled back softly and traced his finger along Nate’s face on the screen, wishing he could feel him.  To press a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth, his cheek, behind his ear, down the side of his neck and nuzzle into the crook just above his shoulder…

 

Sam pulled himself out of the fantasy and, even though there were no notifications, checked his text messages and voicemails anyway — nothing.  Disappointment was heavy on his shoulders and he typed out various versions of "hey u up" in the text box before giving up and deciding instead to get dressed.

 

He was certain Nate made it home last night, and even more certain that if someone _was_ stupid enough to fuck with Nate at night they would get a fist to the noggin and not remember how they even got to the hospital.  Or, probably more accurately, six feet under.

 

But still, it hurt…it was one of those unspoken rules between them — _let me know that you made it home safe_.  

 

Sam reasoned with himself and decided on Nate just closing himself off and wanting to sleep off the shock of yesterday’s news.  Of course he understood Nate needed time…hell, even he needed time to process it.  But he wanted to process it together.  To figure out how to proceed, _together_.

 

Because that’s what couples did.  It never once crossed his mind that they _wouldn’t_ be a couple.  That was stupid.  Nothing had really changed, right?

 

Yeah they were apparently siblings but…no one had to know.  Right?  Well, Cassandra would…his mother.  _Their_ mother.  The elation he had always thought he would feel at finally meeting his mother was dwarfed by the thought of losing Nate.  And maybe it was cold, but he’d take Nate over anyone any day.

 

He just wasn’t entirely sure Nate felt the same way.  And really, he wouldn't make him choose.  That’s cruel…no, Sam would never make him decide between his — their — mother, and him.  They would just…be secret lovers.  That could work.  Hell, no one would ever have to know.  Unless Cassandra — mom — had friends in town and introduced them as brothers then…shit…hell, they could move.

 

Sam and Nate could move away and come back for holidays and other events as brothers.  They would hang out with mom and do all the things sons do with their parents and when they both got back home they would hug and kiss and love on each other, just like before…

 

Everything would be just fine.  Nothing to worry about.  Nate would come around, and probably sooner than he thought.  Sam decided on writing up a text message to him —

 

_Hey, hope you made it back safe.  Did you want to do breakfast?_

 

He pressed the send button and sat back down on the bed, waiting for those three small dots to appear, signaling a response.

 

* * *

 

 

Nate jumped when his phone went off next to him and he stared at it.  Half of him wanted to reach for it, the other wanted to throw it across the room and watch it shatter into a million little pieces like his heart felt.

 

He rested the side his head back onto his forearm and slowly walked the fingers of his other hand over to where his phone sat.  He grasped it loosely and just…stayed there.  Nate was going over possible responses in his head — what would he even say?  How does one even begin to proceed on a situation like this?

 

Nate jumped again as the two minute notification went off and he turned his face into his arm and whined.

 

He took a breath and pulled his phone close to his face, reading the latest message.  Nate glanced at his dismal, try toast with a bite taken out and looked back at the phone and typed out a response.

 

* * *

 

 

_I just ate._

 

Sam didn’t know whether to smile or frown at the response, but was at least thrilled Nathan was responding to him.  He sent a quick message back,

 

_Lunch?_

 

He waited and watched the three little dots appear and disappear intermittently for a good two minutes before —

 

_No thanks.  I’ve got stuff to do today._

 

Sam sighed and chewed the inside of his cheek.  He knew Nate didn’t have anything to do that day, as the original plan was to spend the night together and fuck around in bed all day after Christmas.

 

He didn’t know whether to be hurt at the blatant lie, or be relieved Nate was even responding to him.  Sam decided on the latter, figuring it was better to be positive in a situation like this.  He would be strong for Nate, for the both of them, even though he felt so very, very weak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you do not leave a kudo, please leave a comment as to how I can improve. Thank you.


	4. Four

It had been several days since Nate would even think about considering giving Sam the time of day.  Not that he was trying to be malicious — he just wasn’t sure what to do.  And he figured shutting down and ignoring the problem and lying about it was his best option.

 

Sam, however, was spiraling into a depression.  No matter how hard he tried to keep his spirits up, Nate ignoring him kept him in a constant state of despair.  He tried calling, texting and as a last resort even going over to his apartment and knocking.  Of which Sam wasn’t expecting an answer, but it was definitely a welcome surprise.

 

Nate was cordial and invited Sam inside, gesturing to the couch and asking if he wanted anything to drink.  As relieved as Sam was to finally, _finally_ , talk to Nate, he was getting anxious and feeling uncomfortable at Nate’s formality.

 

Nate finally sat down opposite his brother and clasped his hands together, looking down.  Sam cleared his throat and chewed on his thumb, watching Nate closely.

 

"It’s nice to see you."  Sam said, willing Nate to look up and meet his gaze.

 

"Mm."  Nate was quiet, hunched over and swiveling his knees from left to right.

 

Sam swallowed and willed the butterflies in his stomach to drop dead so he could focus — he didn’t want to mess this up.  It had taken too long for Nate to be open to seeing him and he didn’t want to send him over the edge.

 

Sam waited impatiently for Nate to say something, but it seemed Sam still had the floor, so he said the first thing that came to mind, what he felt to be the truth, and not at all damning — "You know, nothing has changed."  He wanted Nate to know he still loved him.

 

But it was apparently the wrong thing to say, Sam realized, as Nate’s head snapped up and stared at him, incredulous.  "What?"  It came out like a whisper. 

 

"Nothing has changed." he repeated, trying to keep his voice steady.

 

"Everything has changed, Samuel!"  Nate had gone from zero to sixty and Sam winced.

 

Ouch, his full name.  Sam swallowed and readied himself for what he suspected was about to be an onslaught of angry words.  Of which he was, unfortunately, correct. 

 

"Everything!  You’re my fucking sibling, Sam, my brother.  We’re brothers.  I’ve been fucking my big brother for two years!"

 

"And apparently I’ve been having sex with my younger brother, big fucking deal, we didn’t know—"

 

"It IS a big fucking deal!  It’s disgusting!"  And that shot went straight to Sam’s heart.

 

"Disgusting?"  Sam said, quietly.  "Disgusting.  You think what we are, what we have, is disgusting?"

 

"Actually no.  No, Sam, I don’t.  And you want to know why?  Because we don’t _have_ anything."

 

Nate didn’t realize what he said until it was out.  He was shaking, breath rattling and he felt hot and sick.  He stared ahead at Sam who was frozen, eyes wide for a long moment before narrowing.  

 

Sam stood up and Nate started to panic.  He shouldn’t have said that.  Why the fuck would he say something like that?  "Sam?  Sam please—"

 

He slowly walked to the door and Nate’s legs took over, intending to walk after him but he stopped just short of placing a hand on Sam’s shoulder.  "Sammy…"  It was quiet, scared.

 

Sam turned his head slightly and exhaled, electing to say nothing, and walked out.

 

Nate stared at the open door and listened to Sam’s heavy footfalls disappear down the hallway.  He tried to reason with himself — it’s not like they wouldn’t see each other again.  They were planning on lunch with mom later this week anyways and they could talk then.  No big deal.

 

He could explain himself at that time.  That is, if he could even figure out an explanation for what he did.

 

* * *

 

 

Sam thanked the convenience store clerk and continued on his way home, opening a fresh package of cigarettes and lit one, taking a deep drag and releasing a pent up sigh, eyes squinting and burning as he walked into the cloud of his exhaled smoke. 

 

He supposed they were broken up now.  Their relationship didn’t really seem open to discussion, at least that’s what Nate had put across.  And boy did he make that point bitterly clear.

 

Sam shuffled down the sidewalk, kicking at the dirty snow, contemplating if he wanted to go to a bar and get drunk there or go home and get wasted in the privacy of his home.  

 

He decided home sounded like a better option anyways, less risk of people asking what his problem was.  _Oh, you know, my brother broke up with me.  Pretty heartbroken about it._   Ugh…

 

The day was ending and he was trying to remember how much booze he even had back at home when his phone started vibrating in his back pocket.  He reached back and answered it, not usually one to answer an unrecognizable number, but the desire for a distraction outweighed everything else.

 

"Samuel."  He said, moodily.

 

"Samuel!"

 

It took him a moment to register the voice on the other end of the line.  It was his mother and she sounded excited to hear him.  He couldn’t help but smile just a little bit at her eagerness as she began asking how he was and what all he was doing and if he wasn’t busy she would love to meet up with him soon.

 

"Sure, Ma.  I’d love that."  He agreed to see her tomorrow for lunch and she asked him to cancel all of his plans afterwards (hah) so they could have all the time in the world to catch up.

 

Sam hung up on felt the tiniest bit lighter.  Hell, maybe she would even have some advice.  Not that he would give her details ("Hey Ma, turns out Nate and I have been lovers for the last couple of years and now he’s mad at me about it.  Any words of wisdom for your long lost incestuous son?"), but perhaps she would have some sort of special mom-words to soothe him.  Mom’s did that, right?

 

Finally making it home, he kicked off his shoes and plopped onto the couch, leaning back and throwing his arm over his eyes.  

 

"Ugh…"  He moaned.  And, just to be ornery, he moaned louder.  It sounded more like whining, but fuck it.  No one else was there to hear or judge him anyways.

 

In the midst of his whining he remembered he wanted to get blind puking drunk, but then came to the conclusion if he was going to meet with his mother tomorrow that would probably not be one of his better ideas, of which he liked to think he had plenty, although Nate would politely disagree.

 

Nate…ugh.

 

* * *

 

 

Cassandra had ended up calling Nate shortly after Sam left.  Apparently in the excitement of the evening she had forgotten to obtain Sam’s contact info, and if Nate would please give her his number.  Nate obliged and she ended the phone call, saying she was wanting to meet up with the both of them again soon.

 

It would probably be a while before Nate and Sam would be comfortable enough to be civil in each other’s presence, though.  He figured he would just keep having things come up.  She would understand, she was always patient and kind with him.

 

Nate started making a list of possible excuses for the next few times his mother wanted to see her sons together.  He could only pretend to be ill for so long before she would genuinely become worried about his health, of which he didn’t want her to be concerned.

 

He was fine, he just…didn’t…want to see Sam.

 

At least that’s what he told himself.

 

* * *

 

 

For the next several weeks Nate’s prediction had come true —  Cassandra wanted to be her with boys together and do family stuff, catch up and so on.  He still wasn’t feeling comfortable interacting with Sam so he kept avoiding meeting her unless he was sure Sam wouldn’t be there.

 

Nate thought he was being clever.  Unfortunately, his mother raised him to be so, and knew damn well something was up.  

So she, as per the usual, outwit him and so here he was — sitting at lunch with her and Sam at her favorite Italian restaurant.

 

"Now,"  she started, sipping her glass of wine delicately.  "I know there’s something going on…here."  She gestured vaguely between her two boys and they both looked guilty and stared down at the table, avoiding eye contact.  "And you’re either going to fess up and tell me what it is, or you’re going to hurry up and deal with it, because I’m done with the two of you skirting around all of my efforts for the three of us to be together."  

 

She sighed heavily and continued.  "This is important to me, you know.  That we be a family."

 

Sam swallowed and reached for his own glass of rum, Nate still not moving.

 

"I’ve spent the last twenty-one years not knowing where my first-born was.  If he knew I existed, if he cared."  Sam looked up at her with pleading regard.

 

"Ma, of course I—"

 

She closed her eyes held up a hand and Sam immediately shut his mouth.  He took a mouthful of alcohol and set the glass back down on the table and swallowed hard, giving her his full attention.  

 

He was in silent awe of his mother and would remain silent, but he desperately wanted her to know how much he does love her, the years he spent thinking about her, wondering who she was and where to even begin looking for her.

 

Cassandra took a deep breath.  "I single-handedly raised my youngest son,"  Nate almost looked up.  "Who has yet to even _acknowledge_ me today and—"

 

"Mom, I—"

 

" _AND_ has been avoiding speaking candidly with me for several weeks now. "

 

Nate’s face flushed red with shame and embarrassment at her words and he just wanted to disappear.  He was thirsty but didn’t dare reach for his glass.  Hell, he wasn’t even sure he could move — he felt pinned under the daggers she was glaring at him.

 

Cassandra took another sip of wine and looked back and forth between her sons.

 

"You two…are brothers.  You always have been, and nothing will change that."  She looked pointedly at Nate, then Sam.  " _Nothing_."

 

Sam and Nate each looked down, now both crimson with humiliation.

 

"Amor Vincit Omnia."

 

Sam and Nate glanced at each other before looking back at Cassandra, not daring to interrupt her.

 

" _Love conquers all_."

 

* * *

 

 

Cassandra left shortly afterwards.  The waiter came out to take their order and Sam kindly refused, saying he would pay for the drinks and be off.

 

Nate fidgeted as they both waited for the bill to come back and he willed himself to say something to Sam.  Unfortunately, by the time Sam laid out the cash on the table and stood up, Nate hadn’t said a single word.  He started to panic and quickly got up and went after his brother, who was walking quickly and already out the door by the time Nate got to the hostess stand.

 

"Sam!"  He called as soon as he stepped outside.  Sam stopped at the corner of the sidewalk and seemed to hesitate.  Nate started walking towards him, his heart racing.  "Sam, I…"  he choked.  

 

Sam turned around towards Nate and looked down at him, face completely, painfully, neutral.  His jaw was set, mouth a straight line and he stood there in silent expectation.

 

Nate fumbled internally for words, but nothing came out.  He swallowed and looked up at him, silently pleading for something, anything.  Tears welled up in his eyes and his lower lip started trembling.  _Fuck_ , he thought.  But still, nothing.

 

Sam looked at his watch and turned back around and headed for his motorcycle, leaving Nate on the corner.  He squeezed his eyes shut and his throat started to constrict.

 

The roar of the motorcycle echoed throughout the parking lot and Sam was gone.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you do not leave a kudo, please leave a comment as to how I can improve. Thank you.


	5. Five

 

Nate couldn’t remember the drive home, or how he even got up the stairs.  Or how he ended up facedown in the couch, the cushion he was crushed into warm and wet with tears and spit.  

 

And Nate couldn’t even bring himself to blame Sam for walking away.  He was acutely aware of ignoring all of Sam’s attempts to talk to him.  And of course just as Nate decided he was ready to talk about it Sam seemed to not be interested.

 

_This must have been what Sam felt like_ , Nate thought.  The desperation to talk to the one you love, doubling when they turn their back on you.  It hurt so much and Nate just wanted to melt away from existence.  His tummy hurt, his heart hurt, his head hurt, everything hurt.

 

What felt like just a couple minutes seemed to end up being several hours, almost a whole day, because when Nate looked at his watch it was past eleven at night.  The last thing he remembered doing was having lunch — well, a drink — and ended up here with a sore throat.  _Must have fallen asleep. Too bad I don’t feel rested_ …

 

He went to the kitchen and downed a glass of tap water, rinsing his face afterwards.  Glancing to the left he caught sight of his tea kettle and saw his reflection — Nate was a mess.  Sniffling, he dried his hands and face on a tea towel and leaned back against the counter to stare up at the ceiling.

 

Nate could never be sure what it was that compelled him to do it, but he pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Sam’s number.  He started pacing around the apartment, waiting for him to pick up, and it eventually went to voicemail.

 

" _Shit_."  He looked down at the phone and hung up.  Then he tried again, just to hang up when it went to voicemail a second time.  The third time he dialed the number it went straight to voicemail.  

 

Nate put his phone back into his pocket and sighed.  He wasn’t sure why, but he was filled with a sense of renewed determination and went straight to the living room to put his shoes back on and walked out the door.

 

He was going to talk to Sam, and he was going to do it now.

 

Nate felt ten feet tall and bullet proof.  He walked tall, feeling invigorated with a new sense of purpose and made a beeline for Sam’s apartment.  He rehearsed what he wanted to say in his head — of which there was nothing.  No matter how Nate tried to knit any order of words together, nothing was sounding right.

 

So he figured he would just walk in and kiss him.  He would kiss Sam so lovingly, so deeply, so _passionately_ , there wouldn’t even need to be words.  Everything that needed to be said would be magically transferred from their lips pressing together, there bodies flush.  Nate would make love to Sam, his brother, all night.  He would do _anything_ to show him how sorry he was for being such an asshole.

 

Nate finally arrived at the apartment and flew up the stairs, not hesitating to knock on Sam’s door.  His heart was fluttering and he shifted his weight between his feet several times before knocking again.  He could have sworn he saw Sam’s motorcycle in the parking lot before he came up.

 

Nate knocked one more time and tried the door.  Of course it was unlocked…Sam could be careless.  But that was a conversation for another time.

 

Just as Nate’s intended conversation seemed to be for another time.

 

He opened the door to a young, attractive man in a navy blue robe who was about the open the door himself.  He looked pretty pissed off and stood in the living room with his arms crossed over his bared chest.

 

"Can I fucking help you?"

 

Nate faltered as he looked at the stranger.  "Uh, yeah, who the fuck are you?"

 

The guy scoffed and rolled his eyes.  " _You_ barge in here demanding to know who _I_ am?"

 

It seemed stupid now, but Nate didn’t care.  "Yeah, yeah I do."

 

Just then Sam opened the door to the bathroom, fresh out of the shower with a towel wrapped high on his hips.  He saw Nate and his eyes widened.  "Nate, what the hell?"

 

Nate didn’t think it was possible for his heart to be able to beat any faster than when he was waiting outside the door for Sam to answer, but he was so wrong.  It was painful, the sharp pulsing in his chest, but he tried focus on Sam.

 

"Who the fuck is this?"  Nate asked, fully intending on sounding tough.  Unfortunately it came out quiet and unsure, scared.  Sam swallowed and the young stranger looked between the two, eyes narrowed.

 

"Nate, you need to leave."

 

"No, who _is_ this?"

 

Sam sighed and looked between Nate and the other man.  "Rafe, can you…maybe…give us a minute?"

 

The man named Rafe rolled his eyes and pointed at Sam.  "You’ve got ten minutes."  With one last piercing glare at Nate, Rafe turned around and slammed the bedroom door.

 

Nate didn’t realize how hard he was breathing, how upset he was getting.  "Who the fuck _is_ that?"

 

Sam’s demeanor changed from bewildered to angry.  "What do you care?  You were the one who told me to fuck off!"

 

"Goddamn, Sam, I didn’t think you’d move on so quickly!"

 

"Who the hell says I ' _moved on_ '?  Nate you basically told me to fuck off, so I’m trying to figure out where you get off being upset with me after you cast me aside so fucking quickly?"

 

"I di— I didn’t cast you aside, Sam!"

 

"Oh, really?  You didn’t?  Then I’m genuinely interested to know what the hell it was you’ve been doing these past several weeks, _Nathan_.  Because it sure as hell felt like you left me by myself when I needed you most."

 

Nate had been intending to move on, but he didn’t want to admit that out loud, or even to himself, just yet.  He was scared, confused.  And now he was downright terrified of seemingly losing Sam forever.

 

"Sammy, please, let’s talk.  Now.  Right now, we can —  we can discuss everything, I can explain —" he hiccuped every couple of words as he started to lose himself, feeling more and more hopeless as the seconds ticked on by.

 

Sam sighed heavily.  "Nate, now isn’t the best time…" his eyes flicked to the bedroom door and back to Nate.  "I…I mean, we can talk later, maybe?  Yeah?"  The last word was high pitched, hopeful?

 

He shook his head.  "No, Sam.  _Now_.  Please."

 

Sam in turn shook his head.  "Tomorrow.  We can talk tomorrow."

 

Nate closed his eyes and tears spilled.  Sam’s insides felt twisted but he stood his ground.  He had felt discarded and unimportant when his younger brother gave up on them, had said they were nothing.  The stinging was still fresh, and he didn’t really want to talk to Nate right now anyways.  Besides he had made other plans and…well, his other plans could get pissy to deal with when they didn’t get what they wanted.

 

Nate’s voice was small.  "Please?"

 

Sam swallowed.  "Tomorrow.  Okay?  Tomorrow.  I’ll call you."  He walked towards Nate and placed a hand on the door, waiting for him to leave.

 

Nathan looked up at Sam and opened his mouth, but nothing came out.  He looked back down and nodded in defeat.  His feet shuffled and he turned around to leave, disheartened.  Just a couple of steps were taken before Nate heard the door close softly and the lock click.

 

He walked down to the bottom of the stairs and curled up on the last one, leaning against the railing and sobbed quietly in the dark.

 

Several minutes had passed and Nate heaved a deep sigh, pulling himself up to his feet.  He was going to go home and try to get some actual rest.  Tomorrow was going to be a hard, mentally arduous day, and he wanted to be as clear headed as possible.

 

* * *

 

 

Nate woke with a start as he heard banging on his front door.  He threw the blankets aside and looked at his alarm clock —  it was three in the morning.  He was irritated and decided to kill whoever was at the door…until he gathered his wits about him.

 

It could only be one person.

 

He got up and stumbled to the door as fast as his sleep fogged mind would let him and, unfortunately, ran head first into the giant wooden slab.

 

He cursed and rubbed his forehead as he went to throw open the door, cursed again because the door was _locked_ , and fumbled with the bolt before finally pulling it open.

 

Sam stood before him, sweaty and disheveled.  Nate took a good look at him, "Did —  did you _run_ here?"  He nodded and took a step inside, flinging the door shut behind him. 

 

He reached for Nate’s face, one hand on each side and leaned down, pressing their lips together and Nate’s head was spinning.  It was everything he had been missing, everything he had been dreaming about.

 

Nate moaned against his lips and pushed into him, desiring to be closer but pulled away slightly before whispering, "I’m sorry."

 

"I’m sorry, too."  Sam said through heated kisses.  He showered his little brother with affection, pressing his lips to his mouth, on his forehead, cheeks, everywhere he could reach.

 

"No, Sam, _I’m sorry_."

 

" _I know_."

 

Nate tried to keep apologizing, to keep on talking and explaining himself and Sam finally placed a finger to his lips.

 

"I told you we would talk _tomorrow_."

 

"Sam, it _is_ tomorrow."

 

Sam looked thoughtful for a moment before kissing him again.  "It’s still dark, it’s not tomorrow yet."

 

Nate laughed as Sam held him close, relishing in the feeling of Sam running his fingers through his hair.  He missed this.  He missed them.

 

They both made their way to Nate’s room and fell together on the bed, both trying to pull the other’s clothes off.  When they were finally nude Sam crawled over Nate and resumed kissing him, but Nate stopped him and looked up into his eyes.

 

"Wait, what about…"  he paused and glanced down between them, then back up to Sam.

 

Sam quirked a brow.  "Nate no more running around problems, spit it out."

 

Nate swallowed and looked to the side.  "Did you…with…?"

 

"Not recently, no.  And we were safe about it.  Don’t worry, I’m clean."

 

Nate exhaled and looked back up to Sam.  "So…there’s no…residual…"

 

"No."

 

Nate nodded and pulled Sam down closer and kissed him softly.

 

From there everything seemed to slow down and it was ecstasy.  The way Sam’s fingers trailed lightly, almost ticklishly, up and down Nate’s sides — the way Nate moaned and leaned back into the bed — Sam gently sucking marks into Nate’s neck and sensually grinding their erections together.

 

The only time they stopped touching was when Nate leaned over to the end table and pulled his lube out of the drawer,  settling back down on the bed and letting Sam take over.

 

Sam coated his fingers in slick and rested them at Nate’s entrance until he felt him relax, then unhurriedly pushed one inside, all the while nuzzling Nate’s cheeks with his own.

 

Nate felt Sam enter him and sighed — he missed this.  Missed Sam.  He moaned when he felt Sam insert another digit and start to scissor him, and though it felt unbelievably good, he wanted Sam inside of him, and said so.

 

"Are you sure?"

 

Nate nodded and pulled Sam’s bottom lip into his mouth and sucked softly, releasing him with a soft _pop_.

 

"Yeah…"  He was breathless and Sam pulled his fingers out to start rubbing himself down with more of the slippery liquid before placing his head at Nate’s taught pucker.  Sam looked down at Nate, each with half lidded eyes and Nate nodded again, more ready for this than anything in his entire life.

 

Sam pressed himself into Nate and they both sighed into each other, their breaths mingling and eyes closing.

 

They made love together, as lovers and brothers, until the sun came up and they were both too tired to move.  They snuggled together under the blankets, covered in each other’s sweat and spit and semen and not giving a single fuck.  They had all the time in the world now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you do not leave a kudo, please leave a comment as to how I can improve. Thank you.


	6. Six

Sam was startled awake by someone else shifting in his bed. Rafe _never_ spent the night, and Nate…he propped himself up on his elbow and looked to the side — it wasn’t a dream. A wide smile broke out across Sam’s features as he moved closer and snuggled against Nate, pulling him closer and burying his nose in his hair and inhaling deeply.

 

Sam kept up the gentle nudging and kissing until Nate began to stir. When the fog of sleep began to lift and Nate remembered where he was he turned over in Sam’s arms to face him. Their eyes met and Sam dipped down for a kiss on Nate’s mouth while he combed his fingers through short, dark hair.

 

They finally pulled back for some air and just kind of stared at each other for a while, each soaking in the other’s gaze.

 

“Hi."

 

"Hi." Nate stared up adoringly at his older brother and nestled himself under Sam’s chin and released a contented sigh.

 

Sam ran his hand up and down Nate’s back, occasionally dragging lightly the tips of his fingers which, in turn, would cause his little brother to tremble against him delightfully.

 

“You hungry?”

 

Nate hummed a non-comital response and stretched, flopping on top of Sam with a grunt.  Sam chuckled and reached up to poke Nate in the armpit, earning a yelp.

 

“Hey!”

 

“Well I am, and I also have to piss.”  Sam started to wiggle out from under Nate, but the younger brother wasn’t having it and let his body relax, letting himself becoming dead weight.   “Ugh, get off _Donut Drake_ , ya chunk!”

 

Nate smirked mischievously.  “What’re you gonna do about it, tell mom?”

 

They both stopped and stared at each other for a moment before breaking out in hysterics.  By the time the brothers caught their breath they were exhausted again and lay against each other, with the occasional after shock giggle.

 

Sam swallowed and heaved a sigh, looking at the ceiling thoughtfully.  “Speaking of which…”

 

Nate tensed up at his words.

 

“We do need to talk.”  Sam pet Nate’s hair before leaning down and kissing the top of his head, carefully shifting from under him.

 

“Yeah, I know…”  Nate trailed off quietly, letting himself slump from off of his brother and facedown into the mattress.

 

Sam leaned over and smacked Nate’s rear-end and nearly missed being grabbed by the younger.  He laughed and pulled on the nearest pair of sweatpants, walking out the bedroom door towards the bathroom.

 

Nate groaned and decided he should probably get up, too.  There would be enough time to lump around in bed later, hopefully.  He wasn’t planning on doing much after discussing the events of the last several weeks, anticipating a mental exhaustion far too great for any unnecessary movement.

 

Once the boys each had a chance to relieve themselves and get some breakfast in their bellies, they each settled on either side of the couch, gathering their thoughts and not quite looking at each other just yet.

 

After the joke Nate cracked earlier, Sam was feeling a little bit lighter about the whole thing.

 

“Alright, so…Who wants to start?”

 

“I do.”  Nate said abruptly, shocking Sam.

 

“Oh, well ok then.  Go ahead.”

 

Nate chewed on his thumbnail before taking a deep breath and looking up at Sam.  “Who was that guy?”

 

_Figures_ , Sam thought.  “Look, I think that part can wait, hmm?”

 

“But—“

 

“I really want to talk about the reason we’re here right now, what all has happened between us.  We can do that first, huh?”

 

Nate shifted uncomfortably and nodded.  Sam realized Nate truly was distressed about what he had walked in on last night, but he also knew that part came after Sam walking out twice and Nate ignoring him for weeks.

 

There was an uncomfortable silence before Sam broke it.

 

“I love you.”

 

Nate rubbed at his eyes and willed his tightening throat to relax.  “I love you, too.”

 

“I also love that you’re my brother.”

 

At that Nate visibly stiffened.

 

“Ok, that right there,”  Sam gestured to his brother.  “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

 

Nate shifted again and turned so he was facing forwards instead of towards his other half.

 

“I don’t want to.”

 

“ _Nathan_.”  His tone was gentle, encouraging.  And Nate almost wanted Sam to be angry at him for shutting down, it would have made for an easier excuse.

 

“Sam I…”  He searched for words, and when nothing that sounded nice came to mind he just spit out what he had been thinking since Christmas.  “I hate that you’re my brother.”

 

Sam inwardly winced, but his face was neutral.  What they were dealing with was difficult, and Sam told himself he really couldn’t be angry with Nate for how he felt.

 

“But…”  he continued.  “After thinking about it, and living without you in my life for so long —  hell, after even convincing myself I _should_ move on, I…I realized I didn't want to.”  Now he looked up at Sam, searching his eyes for any trace of emotion, but was disappointed.  His big brother always did have a great poker face.

 

“It hurt so much, knowing afterwards that what we were doing, even though we _didn't know_ it at the time, was so…”  He chose his words carefully this time.  “…taboo.”

 

Sam nodded and noticed Nate was gradually turning back towards him, feeling so proud of his little brother for opening up.  They had been working on Nate’s communication skills for a while now and Sam was grateful Nate was putting their past conversations into action.

 

Nate looked at his brother, lost.  Sam took this as his cue to begin his own monologue.

 

“I know you’re having a hard time with it.  And I’m pretty sure it bothers you that it doesn’t bother me, but—“

 

“No, it’s—

Sam shot him a look.  _Right, don’t interrupt_.

 

“Sorry.”

 

Sam nodded.  “It’s fine.  But, it is what it is.  We’re siblings.  Brothers.  And I don’t expect you to be over it, or even be comfortable with it, anytime soon.  I mean, I definitely hope that you will be eventually.  I wouldn't be happy knowing that you’re not happy.  But I’m not expecting a quick turnaround.”

 

Nate nodded and waited for Sam to finish.  He looked down at the couch cushion between them.  “I just need time.  That’s all.”  Nate said quietly, and Sam smiled.

 

“You got it.”

 

Nate looked up and smiled back and scooted closer towards his big brother, who raised his arm to make room for him.  Sam looked down and reached for Nate’s chin, tipping his face upwards to press a kiss to his lips.

 

“Mm—“  Nate pulled back and looked at Sam, narrowing his eyes.

 

Sam quirked a brow and shook his head.  “What?”

 

“Who was that guy?”

 

Sam dropped his head backwards and groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.  Nate wiggled around and got comfortable under Sam’s arm.

 

“I mean, obviously he’s not important if you came here so soon last night, right?”  His last word was lilted, hopeful.

 

“No, you’re right.”  Nate exhaled a harsh breath he wasn't aware he was holding.  “He’s not, at least to me.  And honestly, you’re not gonna believe me anyways.”

 

“Try me.”  Nate scoffed.  

 

“Rafe Adler.”

 

The name wasn’t immediately familiar and Nate tilted his head to the side in thought.

 

“Is that name supposed to mean something, or…?”

 

Sam laughed.  “Uh, yeah little Mr. Art History Lover.  Think harder.”

 

Suddenly, understanding dawned on Nate.  The Adler’s were an affluent, well known family in the art and antiquities trade.

 

“Shut up!”

 

“I’m not kidding!”

 

“Shut up!”

 

Sam howled with laughter as Nate tried to process this.

 

And immediately Nate started planning on how to get on the Adler’s good side, and that knowing Rafe would definitely get him into some of the invitation-only shows and auctions and—

 

Oh.  His brother was fucking him.  And if last night was any indication about how _that_ ended…

 

Nate cleared his throat as he noticed Sam looking at him expectantly.

 

“You, uh…you guys wouldn't happen to still be on good terms after last night, would you?”

 

“Uhm, no.  Not even a little bit.”

 

Well, it was probably for the best anyways.

 

Nate leaned his head back on Sam’s chest as he started to stretch out across the couch.

 

“How’d you end up meeting him?”

 

Sam brought his arm up to place his hand on Nate’s hair, stroking him thoughtfully.  “I was going to all of the art shows in town, hoping to see you there.  And one night the Adler’s kid, Rafe, was in attendance.  I didn’t know it was him and just started chatting him up like any other asshole.

 

“I honestly,”  Sam laughed.  “I swear to God, if I had known I would _not_ have started hitting on him or brought him home that night.”

 

Nate frowned, trying not to think about it.

 

“But anyways, long story short I got his name the next morning and it just kind of went from there.  It was nothing serious.  Besides I wasn’t too invested in it.  Our meetings, of which there were, like, four, were just sex.”

 

He felt Nate squirm under him and looked down.  “What?”

 

Nate swallowed and tried to sound nonchalant.  “So, uh…he…he any good?”

 

Sam could taste the jealousy in Nate’s voice and he had to laugh again.

 

“Look, he’s one of those lays that…”  He tried to think about how to put it.  “He’s a hurricane in bed.  But,”  he tried to hurry his sentence to keep Nate from becoming more distressed than he already was, “he was mentally exhausting.  Really.  

 

“He’s a brat, and far too irritable to be pleasant.  Besides, he’s into some… _painful_ pleasures.”

 

Nate looked up, genuinely curious.

 

“Oh?  Like spanking?”

 

Sam chuckled.  “Uhm, a little bit more than that.  But really I prefer what we do.  The occasional kink is nice, but his sadistic tendencies were far too often to be novel.”

 

Nate grinned inwardly.  “So you wouldn't be interested in BDSM play then?”

 

Sam leaned over and caught Nate’s eyes, smirking.  

 

“I didn’t say _that_.”

 

Nate turned around onto his belly to face Sam, shimmying up and nipping his bottom lip with his teeth.

 

Sam kissed him and pulled back.

 

“We’re not done yet.”

 

Nate looked confused.  “What else is there?”

 

“Mom.  Family.  Public.”

 

He grumbled and lay his head to the side on Sam’s chest.  “We probably shouldn't tell her.”

 

“That’s what I was thinking.  I was also thinking that…we should probably keep what we have private.”

 

“I thought that’s what we were doing anyways?”

 

“Right, but no PDA or whatever.  I’m surprised you’re mom hadn’t caught us yet.”

 

Nate momentarily recoiled at the terrifying thought.

 

“So, I think behind closed doors, you and I can be who we always have been together.  And outside we can be brothers.”  At that Nate nodded in agreement.

 

“Sure.”  It would be kind of a bummer to not cuddle up to Sam in a restaurant booth, or hold hands walking down the street.  But it was kind of a neat feeling to have a secret this big, one only that he shared with his big brother.

 

“Ok.”  Sam kissed the top of Nate’s head and they eventually fell asleep, happy and content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you do not leave a kudo, please leave a comment as to how I can improve. Thank you.
> 
> Thank you everyone for your kudos and comments! This was so much fun to write. 
> 
> I am planning on putting together a Part 2. See you soon!

**Author's Note:**

> If you don't leave a kudo, please leave a comment as to how I can improve. Thank you.


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